07th Jul2009

gotchoo fan HATE!?

by jerad.formby

for everything there is a first time lt

This blog gets a special thanks to John Champion over at DVD Geeks for giving Hey Star Trek! a big fat heads up about a website that spends all of its free-time blasting the new Star Trek movie.

If you’re over this geek matter, feel free to skip ahead to the end of the Internet (don’t tell me how it ends!) Listen to Trekcast on your way there! If you can stand to get into the mud a little while longer, please read on.

I won’t tell you where to find the site I’m referencing right now, because there’s no point. There’s no point since it’s not there right now. Why?

Because it’s in the Thunderdome now, sucka!

dang the thunderdome is expensive to rent

there has to be a hostess if visitors of the hate site have never been to hey star trek before they needa know whassup

This rant that was posted, this website’s feature as near as I can tell, is 5000 plus words. Contained within the words are supposedly 100 reasons to hate Abrams Star Trek.

I really want to respond to the points he made in the post, but before I can do that, brothers and sisters, you have to understand that the man didn’t come up with 100 reasons at all. Breaking up what one writes with numbers and the form of a list does not make 100 reasons.

I will freely admit and most of you already know that I champion this new movie and love what it has done for Trek in general, so sure I read this article with one eye open. Imagine how quickly my other eye opened when I realized I was mostly re-reading things.

aw heck a parental warning

i can't possibly address all 100 or can i

i hope you are seeing a theme like i did if not soon

i do not want to criticize but that is a pretty bold statement to allow so many free repeaters

this is only implying that someone is being taken to school just an implication

There is a short answer to these (this) complaint(s). Kirk is a bit of an ass. It takes a very special, very arrogant type of human being to impose moral judgment onto others. It takes conviction. It takes ego. It takes a dash of ‘devil may care.’

Don’t believe me? Ask Jean-Luc Picard how he got his artificial heart.

I don’t know about you, but that young Prickard wasn’t somebody I’d wanna hang with. I guess that means I’m not Captain material.

Here’s the article at a glance featuring reason #99:

reason number 99 uses swear words like shoes use laces waggle waggle

The unfortunate thing about this article of 100 reasons is that it is a full blown event for the guys at that site. Folks are not only invited to read this wildly repetitive rant filled with profanity, they are also invited to watch a video that illustrates the reasoning of this gentleman –much like a humble Hey Star Trek! the video uses images for its own nefarious purpose.

Long story short, the complaints are numbered to appear as many. There aren’t that many. And there certainly aren’t many “new” complaints. If you’re just coming on board with boo-hooing Abrams Trek, I’ll catch you up really quick.

As Dante traveled levels of hell, there are levels of Trekkie-hate-Abrams tantrums.

Level One:

just a normal nerd muscle work out

1. Lens Flares
2. Product Placement
3. Time Travel
4. Black Holes
5. Kirk too Fratboyish
6. Ship is wrong
7. Star Trek, as we know it, no longer exists and has been replaced by this new strange thing that isn’t Star Trek.

And Hey Star Trek!’s personal favorite:

8. Lack of Gene Roddenberry vision.

Going deeper:
really questioning and working that star trek a dangerous area where old school star wars fans go

1. Kirk’s promotion.
2. Beastie Boys music.
3. Spock too human.
4. Scotty’s little friend.
5. Convenience of characters meeting.
6. Red Matter is stupid.

Whoa! Hey Nerd, what are you talking about!?:

they start to reach areas where i am more comfortable than they are

1. Nero doesn’t think to warn Romulus of its impending doom.
2. What do you mean the transporter doesn’t work when the drill is on?
3. Old Spock didn’t do anything, he was just there to explain what happened before the movie started.
4. Why the hell didn’t Starfleet Headquarters scramble to defend itself when Nero attacked?

Those are the arguments that embody the slings and arrows Star Trek usually takes from sniveling fans.

The deeper one gets into this nerdy tractor pull, the stranger the questions, challenges, and outright burning hatred get. I hadn’t even contemplated the last four questions until I found the complaints online in different spots. They came up frequently and so they made the especially nerdy list.

As especially nerdy as that list is, however, our boy over at the startrekxisucks website has gone just a little bit deeper.

surely he is pretending to not know the prime directive and how is forcing that in exactly

If you wanna get your true hate on with this scene, it’s really easy to point out that Pike actually calls the “Federation” a peace keeping armada and not “Starfleet.”

The Prime Directive wasn’t mentioned anywhere in this film. I squint my eyes and try to see the connection between “peace keeping armada” and “kick the snot out of primitive civilizations” . . . just not seeing it. The Prime Directive applies when a Starship encounters a pre-warp civilization. Non-interference is the best strategy to make sure planets can stand on their own before joining the Federation.

I see the “eh” and raise it an “erm?”

The salt-shaker shaped like a starship is from any table at the bar. You can see Kirk shake the salt out. This bar in Iowa obviously caters to the workers and visitors to the Riverside shipyard. Yes it seems in the 23rd century we humans still like novelty items.

yes we lovers can justify just about anything a hater can

to boldly nerd where no man has nerd before

hey star trek is speechless

of course he has to pick on my main man Nero

call Nero shallow but at least he killed some fools unlike some darth mauls  i know

i just might have been over this as soon as someone said it to me
so much star trek is forgiven and this movie gets sweated the most

Science time!

More than any other Trek story, this was kicked hardest for “grievous science violations.”

It fascinates me that the movie will be attacked for its poor science more than any other Trek film or show. The people who attack the film are also quick to point out that “Trek isn’t known for its science, but still . . . ”

That’s a head scratcher for me.

i am positive that if we missed anything hey star trek can explain it

For fun, I also want to clarify a couple of things boo-hooers never seem to notice in the new movie (my guess is because they’re working hard on angry Charlie Brown clouds over their heads instead of listening).

1. Nero dismissed the idea of “warning Romulus” when Pike mentioned it. Nero stated decisively that his point was to rid Romulus of the Federation. Does it help Romulus in the end? Well, he is crazy, don’t forget.

2. It’s not hard to perceive Earth as mostly defenseless when Nero motors up on it at the end. Keep in mind all of the able cadets were thrown onto starships and rushed to Vulcan. Those ships were destroyed. That leaves who exactly behind to pilot or perform “attack runs?” Exactly no one.

3. Nero’s drill, as stated in the drama, automatically blocks communications and renders transporters useless. I read this as an “anomalous” and not deliberate effect of the drill’s power.

oh lens flares are my favorite humble reader i am sure you know

The Star Trek XI Sucks writer spends a lot of numbers hashing and re-hashing the film language of Star Trek. By the end of the post, you are certain that he really hates “shakey cam” and “lens flares.” You will also be aware that he loves “tripods” and “steadicam.” He doesn’t enjoy this new rapid-pace MTV style editing (I’m not a fan of it either, but it at least brought Trek into the 21st century –something every other modern attempt has failed to do).

I will do this writer the courtesy and dismiss the idea that he assumes the crew of the Star Trek film are without education –especially in the world of lenses, lights, and camera speeds. I will ask that he hold his breath and pretend, just for a second, that this film was constructed by real life artists.

The cinematographer, Dan Mindel is a member of the American Society of Cinematographers. Contrary to what one might assume reading the boo-hooer site, membership to the A.S.C. is not handed out in Cracker Jack boxes. I’ve already speculated on lens flares in a previous post, but I’m happy to freckle just a little more here.

Right out of the gate, all lens flares in the movie (except for the ones in space, obviously) are “true” lens flare captures. None of them were added in post production.

Mindel shared this experience with American Cinematographer magazine, “The Enterprise has lights set in frame that basically point down the lens of the camera in every direction. Whenever you look, you get a flare. It goes against everything one learns as a camera technician, which is to shield the lens from any extraneous light and stop it from flaring. We’ll either get slaughtered by our peers or be really admired for it!”

Those that weren’t created from the lighting of the set were created by crew members using Xenon flashlights aimed right at the camera lens. This unpredictable and, as Abrams described, “analog and imperfect” motif was his counterpoint to the sterile and very controlled style that dictated the rest of the film.

I suppose with this information in hand, Abrams and the film will now be dismissed as pretentious by the angry boo-hooers. Yet hopefully they can at least acknowledge that the effect was not only deliberate, but used in a pioneering way. If this approach was successful, only time will tell.

I for one am very happy to know that Star Trek was in the hands of someone who dared to push film language. Breaking rules has always been a character choice for one James T. Kirk and for a non-conformist to tell his story just makes it sweeter.

okay no black hole in the planet what about heart transplant in the middle of the desert

yeah where star trek makes no sense that makes all the sense in the world

Honestly, I wrote a mostly positive review of the old Terminator: Salvation on this very site. I like the McG action. However, after watching all of Star Trek’s science fall flat . . . Terminator has a chance? Really? With that final act of “sacrifice” intact? Oh don’t make Hey Star Trek! laugh so hard. Hey Star Trek! is crying!

On the subject of maturity, I will concede that this Star Trek movie is not perfect. From a canon stand point there was one giant crime that was committed and I wish the writers had known better. It might seem minor to any number of you, but if you know the Trek like I do this is really obvious.

Sarek does not support young Spock. Ever. Sarek is ashamed of Spock. If baby Spock needs help getting through ‘punched in the nose day’ that should go to the nearest human or mommy. That way when Vulcan’s gone and Sarek must finally admit love for Amanda to Spock –it would be an even bigger deal.

That’s not on a lot of bitch-lists. I think it should be Public Enemy #1 –feeling Sarek. After Vulcan bites it though, all bets are off (which is why Vulcan bit it, by the way).

Again I argue that Star Trek is not found in these little details. It is found between the characters and those characters coming together for one great cause. This movie did that.

The characters involved were who we remember only younger. A little less tried and a little more eager. That’s what I think the boo-hooer alluded to when he said they were a “bunch of idiots” –if by that he meant “relate able” then it’s about time.

Before I go, I also want to add that you’ll never catch Hey Star Trek! arguing “it’s just a movie.” It ain’t just a movie. It’s Star Trek. I devote tons of words to this topic every week and the boo hooer devotes tons of words at his site (and an edited video). I would love it if people would stop posting that business while we nerds seriously go at it.

Speaking of his site, it’s back up now, out of the dome. Here it is. Giver er a click an see for yourself, Dr. Jones.

And in defense of the heavily-marketed-towards-idiot-consumer-teenagers-who-play-on-their-cellphones-way-too-much crowd? They will only be better people for embracing Star Trek. No matter the universe or form. If the new movie’s not Star Trek for you, it’s Star Trek for someone –it’s Star Trek for them.

And they deserve it just as much as we ever did.

oh don't think i didn't notice my chain ruled the school




Don’t like a nuked fridge? You call him, Dr. Jones, DOLL!
Let’s go to the holodeck!
FOX network, I feel the good in you, the conflict!
Seeking out strange new potential in Abrams’ universe.
A little more information about your Hey Star Trek! blogger
Baby steps with Star Trek: Voyager
Hell you say? Film language of Gran Torino!?
A Brief History of Fan Work and Tim Russ’ Of Gods and Men
What the hell do you mean Episode III’s the best one!?
Baby Steps With Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Baby Steps With Star Trek and Star Trek: The Next Generation
Hey Star Trek! Saw Terminator: Salvation
Meditating on J.J. Abrams’ Lens Flares
Can you tell me more about Trekcast?
Hey! You hated Abrams Trek? Color me unsurprised.
What you show somebody who doesn’t know Star Trek at all
Nerd-Nut-Nods in New Star Trek Movie
Why you don’t need IMAX Star Trek
Star Trek: The Motion Picture
The real reason New Star Wars movies suck
Star Trek continuity whores need to give it a rest
The new Doctor Who . . . or lack thereof!
Why the new Star Trek movie is gonna be cool
Joss Whedon’s Dollhouse
How the Borg went from badass to blowing chunks
Some Star Trek characters get no love
Ronald D. Moore’s Battlestar Galactica
Why Watchmen’s So Bad
Star Trek Optimism
Ugly Romulans and Vulcans


  • http://apizzagirl.blogspot.com PizzaGirl

    I kinda get why they hate on Nero. He was a little plot-device-ish. Though I’m not sure there’s anything wrong with that. Is the fact that the Romulan ship was obviously not designed with any common-sense factor into their list? 🙂 Seriously, why was it filled with water? If you know I’d love an explanation bc even after seeing the movie 4 times I couldn’t figure it out.

    Great blog. Keep hatin on the haters!

  • Methos

    Let the Star Wars fans have their rant – it’s not our fault that WE TREKKIES got the movie that we wanted and they got JAR JAR.

    Seriously – there are two camps at work here: The FAN and the FANBOI.

    The FAN: Loved the movie because it is at it’s core – Star Trek. It’s not perfect – but neither was TNG, DS9, VOY or ENT. Each had their score of great strengths and arguable weaknesses. However, like our Great Bird of the Galaxy did when he helmed his vision of the future – he focused on the POSITIVE and worked very hard to change the negative. The FAN knew that the J.J. Abrams is a different presentation of Star Trek, but at it’s CORE – it’s still Star Trek.

    The FANBOI – is an inflexible zealot who would rather surround himself within the unimaginative mental paradigm of what he believes is Star Trek, and will give no ground to even possibly accepting that the new movie is Star Trek. He said the same thin about TNG in regards to his beloved TOS and could never even come close to what Star Trek represented in TOS – and ended up loving TNG. He said the same thing about DS9 in relation to TNG – and in turn loved that, and did so all the way up to ENT. But for some reason, cannot do so for this movie. Why? Because in his truest heart of hearts, he is NOT a Star Trek FAN. He is a FANBOI (boy = child = Emature).

    Star Trek is a great property. Gene was an extraordinary visionary. So is J.J. Abrams. I believe that only TRUE fans would embrace this movie because the very attempt at presenting another version of Star Trek to this generation rings true to the very ideals of visionary entertainment: You will please some, you will not please all – but you will have the courage to stick your neck out and try. Sounds a little like our new James T. Kirk. Sounds a little like our former James T. Kirk as well.

  • http://www.trekspace.org/profile/sonofworf son of worf

    I don’t get the haters for the new Star Trek movie. It reminds me when TNG came out, and all the hard core TOS fans hated on TNG. You rarely see that anymore. Was the new Star Trek movie perfect? No. Did it have some flaws? Yes. However, they weren’t enough for me to not embrace and enjoy this new film.
    As far as canon issues go, I understand the Sarek/Spock relationship was far different than it was in the Prime universe. This is how I get around it. We assume Sarek was always a hard ass on Spock. It it possible that once in a while Sarek was a little supportive to little Spock. I mean the scene we see we don’t see Sarek giving Spock a big hug or anything. Yes, there was encouragement, but, it wasn’t warm or anything. When Sarek & Spock talk on the Enterprise after Vulcan is destroyed, we see Sarek reaching out to Spock. The man lost his wife & his planet. Spock is probably the only family he has left. It wouldn’t be logical to hold on to old grudges & arguments. Priorities people.
    My biggest gripe with the movie is Kirk’s promotion to Captain at the end of the film. I’m not sure if Kirk & company were at the academy for the full four years or it just covered three. I realize Kirk saved Earth and probably the Federation. However, even though he’s a prodigy and a stellar cadet, he gets a promotion to Captain? Are there no other qualified officers to be promoted. Did Starfleet lose that many people to Nero’s rampage? This seems like a awfully huge leap.
    Otherwise, I loved the movie and can’t wait for Star Trek 12.

  • Steve

    Haters make me itch, especially because they tend to focus on bullshit that doesn’t mean a lot when it comes to ST. Lens flares?! Really!? I have to slog my way through countless BBS threads that have nothing to do with lens flares and then all of a sudden a post mentions lens flares and the whole thread gets hijacked by this topic. Enough, whiners.

    Did bitch-boy mention the thing that sticks out like crazy when it was pointed out to me? Apparently there’s no OSHA on Romulus. All those platforms and not a hand rail to be seen. But see, I can get past that because it just doesn’t matter while I’m watching that sequence.

    What struck me while watching the movie for the 4th time, were all the subtle acting choices. $Everyone’s been raving about Karl Urban’s McCoy but some of the moments Mr. Pine has are very adroit and connected to what the character is going through. I’m thinking in particular of the sequence after Kirk takes over the bridge: Uhura: “I sure hope you know what you’re doing. ‘Captain’.” Kirk: “So do I.” That line could have been as the laugh line it is. But Pine’s reading of it clearly suggests that it is sincere and therefore a moment of uncertainty for Kirk, as it should be. Wonderful.

    As for the Sarek thing, canonically, Spock and his father only truly became estranged after Spock chose Starfleet over the Vulcan Science Academy. Sarek clearly has a thing for humans so it can be inferred that he has a greater emotional empathy than many Vulcans. The “comfort” scene, therefore, is not really out of character.

    Yes, I am a first clas nerd. 🙂

  • http://www.daytonward.com Dayton Ward

    I just want to know how you get all the hot models to pose for your blog…….


  • D Kleparek

    If Paramount kept making the same old Star Trek, it most likely would go the way of the dinosaurs and other such things that can’t adapt.

    The world changes. If you can’t adapt, you go extinct. Star Trek XI adapted in a big way!

  • Aria Mia

    I think this installment to your blog should be required reading for all Star Trek XI haters. It argues many of the reasons why people hate that poor movie. I personally love XI. There were one or two little things I really didn’t like, but they really didn’t affect my enjoyment of the overall movie. There is only one thing that concerns me about this film…I hope that the producers and directors of this and future Trek films will visit the original universe. It has been carefully sculpted for over 40 years and I hope they don’t let that universe, which so many of us cherish, dissolve. But, I am so thankful that Trek will live on for a new generation. I am really looking forward to the next film….
    ….and the next blog!

    Keep up the great work.

  • ToddA

    Wow, good work again my man. I am very glad that most reasonable true fans of Star Trek are embracing this bold, sorely needed, reboot of Trek. The reason I love this movie and I think many other Trek fans do is the great attention paid by the director, writers, and actors to the beloved Trek characters. This movie does what a lot of ensemble type movies only wish they could accomplish (I am looking at you Xmen!) and give all of the main players fun, meaningful, and awesome things to do.

    The only thing bad about the new movie is have to wait another 2-3 years for another one!

  • Methos

    I really examining why I love this movie – in fairness there is really only one true bone I would have pick overall – original score. I agree with David that it lacked in the original score department. And the only reason why I feel this way – is because James Horner did such an incredible job with composing the music for ST2:TWOK; he created the “Trek” blueprint for how a score influences the drama, pacing and rhythm of a movie. Regretfully and in contrast: Giacchino’s score, albeit well executed – just falls short of creating those thematic “beats” of a movie that cause such cinematic crescendos that really resonate with the audience. Whether it is Horner, John Williams or Howard Shore – these masters of motion picture soundtrack execution would really have kicked Star Trek up that cinematic “notch” leaving a great deal of room for these thematic elements to be further explored in the sequels.