29th Jul2009

gotchoo new FIVE YEAR MISSION!?

by jerad.formby

a star trek podcast trekcast hey star trek blog

My original foray into fan fiction brought me lots of encouragement (some were even posted in its comments). In the spirit of invention, Hey Star Trek! Brings you another sweet adventure with the Abrams crew as they embark on the five year mission.

This story is a little more ambitious and will take more than one blog post to read. The premise of this idea is to contemplate what adventure might have been behind ‘door number two’ in a given Star Trek scenario. Shopping for doors to open, I settled on the original series episode “The Return of the Archons” –a personal favorite of mine.

It’s fascinating how so many similarities can lead to something different in an alternate timeline.

If you’re familiar with it, I hope you can appreciate how one tiny choice can impact the outcome of this new adventure. If you’re unfamiliar, well you’ll certainly have time to get familiar before I conclude this story in the next issue of Hey Star Trek!

not remastered reordered redefined reintroduced and still star trek
Here a tested Captain Kirk has an adventure further along in his career. An adventure his alternate self encountered in his first year as Captain of the Enterprise.

abrams so needs to rock a red planet in the future

It was on the eve of the Enterprise’s approach to Beta III, that Captain James Kirk decided to invite the sociologist Chris Lindstrom to the recreation room for a bit of racquetball. Like several others young Kirk had encountered in his career, he sensed a bit of competition from the Lieutenant.

“Sir,” Lindstrom offered as he stretched. The word was the most basic acknowledgment. He knew what the Captain wanted. Rumors about Starfleet’s youngest Captain were abundant. Kirk had a way of winning over new officers, but Lindstrom planned to be the exception. He approached this late night chat with his walls up.

“Your first name’s ‘Chris,’ do you mind if I call you that?”

Before Lindstrom could answer, Kirk went on with another breath.

“Chris, let’s not mince words. You have that same look I’ve gotten from so many since I received this promotion a few years ago.” Kirk said as he brought up his racquet and stepped onto the court.

“Permission to speak freely?”


“Youngest Captain in Starfleet history because of a single crisis, no idea why I’d be skeptical.” Lindstrom joined Kirk on the court.

“Do you have any idea how many functions I attended with commanders who looked down their noses at me? How many admirals passed me and this ship by for assignments?” Kirk asked and slammed the ball toward the wall.

“You mean people you’ve encountered who didn’t live just to rub your ego?” Lindstrom asked and slammed the ball back.

“It’s always seemed to me that it’s their egos that needed rubbed.”

“That’s why they call you Captain Center of the Universe.” Lindstrom bit off and smacked the ball back with a score against Kirk.

“I’ve heard all of the nicknames,” Kirk breathed and picked the ball up again.

“I’m pretty certain you haven’t,” Lindstrom panted lowly.

“Nicknames aside, you know that I’ve held onto this assignment,” Kirk smashed the ball to the wall without warning. His score off of Lindstrom was obvious.

“A lot say that’s because of Captain Pike,” the sociologist grumbled and found the ball.

“This is your new assignment, Lindstrom, and I’d recommend you start getting used to it.”

“Don’t worry, Captain,” Lindstrom sighed. “I’m sure the Enterprise has more important work for a sociologist than facilitating rations at a new Vulcan colony.”

t'pol survived Nero you heard it here first hey star trek

“Good attitude and unless you want to go back to counting rations and provisions, I’d recommend you make sure this first assignment is something spectacular.”

“I’ve worked pre-warp civilizations before.” Lindstrom knocked the ball back into the game.

Kirk brought his hand up and caught the ball. He turned to Lindstrom and narrowed his eyes.

“I know you have. But they’re not just watching you, you know. They’re watching me. If you foul anything up on this ship, I’ll see to it you get double the reprimand you might on another starship.”

“Is that why the Enterprise is the best ship in Starfleet? Because you rule with an iron fist?”

“Is that all you gleaned from this conversation?” Kirk smirked. “Don’t you see I’m saving your tongue from yet another bowl of plomeek soup?”

The sociologist had to laugh. The dish was infamous for its blandness. Vulcans insisted on foods without spices and Kirk had deduced that he couldn’t stand another helping.

Lindstrom left Kirk’s company in an official capacity. He returned to his quarters frustrated with the young Captain. He knew that Kirk was fond of unofficial meetings with new officers to put to rest any misgivings they might have with serving under someone so young.

These meetings inevitably led to lieutenants and commanders recanting previous remarks about him. The conversations left many eager to serve. This unofficial encounter had not ended differently for the sociologist, no matter how much he had wanted it to.

Kirk was a natural leader. It was obvious. And now he had to count himself amongst the apologists and the hypocrites.

So he had the Enterprise computer show him the data of the planet Beta III. He examined what had been observed by a probe that had passed through months before. The photographic data had revealed glimpses of the indigenous people’s wardrobes and he forced himself to look again.

Just as his Captain had asked him to.
It really aint that hard to imagine guys
one captain pine kirk and quinto spock set it up from the bridge

Sulu and O’Neill had been gone for less than an hour when they first signaled the Enterprise.

“Any sign of the Archon?” Kirk asked from the bridge.

“No signs of technology,” Sulu reported from the surface of the planet. He sounded a bit distracted. “Let Lindstrom know that the last minute costume change was a good idea. We’re passing for people from some place called ‘the Valley.’”

Lindstrom overheard the remark from his position behind Captain Kirk and smiled. With a rotation of his chair, Kirk caught the smile and nodded to him.

“We’ve found a room to stay in. We have to go to something called ‘Festival.’ It will begin at any moment. The locals . . .”

There were hurried voices. It sounded like O’Neill was telling Sulu something they could not discern.

“The locals who seem normal said that the ‘red hour’ is almost upon us and we should be in the street.”

Spock raised an eyebrow and approached the command chair. “Curious, Mr. Sulu,” he said. “How would you be able to tell a normal Betan from an abnormal Betan?”

sulu skilled in fighting and observation oh and driving the ship

“Believe me, sir,” Sulu said and everyone could hear the smile on his lips. “You can tell within a minute of meeting them. Most of them . . . and this is O’Neill’s word, most of them act like ‘Zombies’.”

If the word shocked Spock, his face gave no indication. “If memory serves, that is an old Earth word meaning ‘the walking dead.’ The term, if I am not mistaken, originated in the Afro-Caribbean practice of voodoo–”

“I don’t remember ‘zombies’ being in exsobiology, Mr. Sulu,” Kirk cut off Spock with his remark.

“They are a mostly lifeless people,” Sulu said through the speaker. “Only interested in a casual greeting; no small talk. They walk in obvious patterns.

“Sounds like you’re in for a hell of a festival,” Kirk joked.

“If we’re out of contact, Captain, it could be that we don’t want them to see our communicators. If all goes well, we’ll contact you when it’s over.”

“How long is this festival supposed to go for?”

“They weren’t specific. We were encouraged to get this room in order to ‘rest’ after.”

“Understood,” Kirk said into the arm of his chair. “Don’t have too much fun. And don’t forget what you’re there for, Kirk out.”

Lindstrom smiled and shook his head, “they almost went down there with the wrong clothes on, I stopped them at the last minute. They would have stuck out like sore thumbs.”

“Stuck out like sore thumbs to zombies, Mr. Lindstrom?” Kirk asked and stood up. “Spock, can we get a view of this festival? I for one would like to see just what a party of the undead looks like.

“The Enterprise’s orbit should offer a view in 2 hours, 46 minutes and 12 seconds.”

“Wouldn’t miss it.”

violent view from the Enterprise as seen in Return of the Archons

Kirk had seen any number of truly horrible things since he’d taken command of the Enterprise. The ship had encountered cultures that shamelessly included brutality as a value. He had observed ritualistic disorder.

He had never seen anything so absolutely primal as the scene that played out on the viewscreen before them. The Betan “zombies” were engaged in total anarchy –complete with handmade torches. Fires burned. Clothing was torn. There was sexual brutality between men and women in the open streets. Parts of the crowd were engaged in all out slugfests using their bare knuckles and found objects.

Uhura silenced the screams of horror and ecstasy as Kirk approached the viewscreen.

“Jim, what the hell are we watching!?” McCoy said as festival played out on the view screen. He had just arrived to the bridge. The good doctor had been making it a habit of wandering out of the sick bay when there was little to do.

“We’re not,” Kirk said and signaled Uhura to cut the viewscreen.

“They behave most illogically,” Spock observed.

“Illogically!?” Bones demanded of the Vulcan. “Is that what you call wild sex in the streets back home!? ‘Illogically’s’ the perfect term for blood in the streets and burning store fronts! ”

“Uhura, raise Mr. Sulu, if you can.” Kirk stepped toward the turbolift. “Lindstrom you’re with me. And we’re getting the right outfits.”

“Jim, people have gotta be hurt down there!” McCoy shouted and joined them at the turbolift door. He grumbled and folded his arms, “of course there’s a part of the universe where a good time is a good sucker punch across the jaw. Why am I not surprised?”

“Mr. Spock,” Kirk said as the doors opened. “If you speak to Lieutenant Sulu or Lieutenant O’Neill, tell them we’re on our way.”

“If it’s all the same to you, Captain,” Spock said. “I would also like to observe the Betans.”

“Mr. Spock, voodoo? I had no idea Vulcan’s had an interest in Earth folklore and superstition,” Kirk rubbed his jaw. “We’re getting our men and coming home.”

“Then I will make my observations very brief,” Spock did that almost half-smile.

Kirk snapped his fingers at Spock and then looked at Uhura, “if you could let Mr. Scott know . . . he has the Enterprise until we get back.”

“Aye, sir,” she said and shared a glance with Spock. “I hope you find him.”

beta III after the riot and a missing helmsman

The streets were in dire need of repair. It was obvious that the townscape had fallen prey to the ravenous appetites of rioters.

“Well, doctor,” Kirk quipped. “We’re in the heart of the city.”

Spock pulled his tricorder out of his robe. He wore a heavy hood to conceal his alien nature from any onlooking townspeople.

A man strolled toward them. He wore a suit and tie similar to anyone in the landing party. Spock stowed his tricorder.

The man only nodded with a smile and continued down the street. He was mindful to step around the remains of what seemed to be a kitchen table.

Kirk watched him go, “zombie, Spock?”

Spock leaned toward the Captain’s ear, “Odd. Did you notice his expression? Mindless, almost vague contentment.”

A woman walked toward them with the same almost unmotivated rate. “Joy to you, friends,” she said.

Kirk didn’t miss a beat, “and joy to you!”

“Are you strangers?” She asked.

“We’ve come from the valley,” Kirk said, remembering Sulu’s information. “We seek two friends, also from the Valley. They were at festival last night, have you seen them?”

“You just missed the festival,” she said. If the remark was supposed to be sad, there was no indication.

“Yes, I can see that,” Kirk smiled and peered into her face.

“No worries, friend,” the woman spoke again. “Festival will happen again at the red hour.”

“And when is that?” Kirk pushed.

“Why when the clock chimes at red hour, of course.”

She bowed and continued on her way.

“She seems to be under the impression that we haven’t missed anything,” Lindstrom squinted down the street after the lady.

young kirk and his crew are getting to the bottom of the case

“What the does she mean, Jim?” Doctor McCoy spoke up. “How’re they gonna have another festival when this town barely survived the last one?”

“Most observant, Doctor,” Spock said and removed his tricorder. He took a scan of the vicinity. “The amount of destruction I am reading would take days, if not weeks, to completely restore to order.”

“Spock,” Kirk said. “Why would any group as complacent as this erupt in such a fit of violence only to schedule another one?”

“I would have to know more about the frequency of these festivals to form an adequate hypothesis, Captain.” Spock said and Kirk smiled to himself at the Vulcan equivalent of a shrug.

“Is it possible that this might be some sort of cultural contamination?” Kirk speculated. “Is the Archon responsible?”

“I don’t see how,” Lindstrom offered. “They seemed stripped of individuality.”

“The Archon was lost before Earth’s Starfleet established a prime directive,” Spock offered. “To interfere or not interfere with a developing culture was at a captain’s discretion. A crude approach when compared to Vulcan’s own First Contact procedures.”

“I think pride’s an emotion, Spock,” McCoy teased.

“Let’s find our men before this ‘red hour’ happens.” Kirk said finally.

Kirk and his party included two security guards. As they walked, the townspeople continued their own paths. It almost seemed like a pattern. To Kirk, the continual rotation of their movements seemed like that of circling sharks.

“We need to find the hotel they booked to sleep it off,” Kirk muttered and watched the townspeople continue their monotonous walk. A man in a hat, whom Kirk had been watching closely, was coming by them for another pass.

“Joy to you, friend,” Kirk said hurriedly and held his arm out to intercept the passerby. The man walked right into Kirk’s arm and stepped a few times before realizing he had been stopped.

“Joy to you, friend,” the man said in his monotone.

“We are from the Valley,” Kirk said, tasting his lips. “We need a place to stay before the red hour. What would you recommend, friend?”

“Why Reges has rooms!” The man said with a broad smile. The smile could not be mistaken for true expression. There was nobody home behind those eyes. He then pointed back toward the way they’d come. “It’s right over there!”

“Mind telling us whose going to clean this mess up, friend?” McCoy chimed from over Kirk’s shoulder. “And uhm, joy to you?”

“Why the lawgivers will! All will be ready when the clock chimes at red hour.”

He indicated a large clock that presided over the end of the street. It sat atop of an ancient courthouse building. At that moment, the clock read 2 o’clock.

“Curious, Captain,” Spock said under his breath. “There are no chimes and the hour has just changed.”

“Who are the lawgivers?” Kirk demanded of the man.

The man looked at Kirk as if he hadn’t heard him.

“Who are the lawgivers?” Kirk repeated. “When is the red hour?”

From behind a crushed barrel, they heard a woman scream. Doctor McCoy ran toward the barrel before anyone could stop him. Doctor McCoy made it a practice to leap before looking. Kirk had never asked him to curb this behavior. He admired the quality in his friend.

“She’s hurt, Jim!” McCoy shouted and opened his medical prop case to reveal his 23rd century tools. “Bunch of savages! All of them!”

The man stepped away from the landing party. As he stepped his hand came up and wagged a finger toward them.

“You are not of the body!” The man shouted. “They are not of the body!”

Kirk looked about the street. Something had changed. It was as if all of the sharks had decided to stop swimming at the same time.

“Captain,” Spock said.

“Mr. Spock, have I ever told you that you have a way of stating the obvious?” Kirk bit off.

people frozen in position as they consider you as something new

All of the townspeople were frozen in their positions. Even the man who shouted at them had stopped completely and held his arms out. His finger still pointed.

For all intents and purposes, the town seemed frozen in time for just that instant.

“Bones!” Kirk said in the still air. The doctor looked up from his position. He was too many yards away from the group.

At that moment, the people bent to the ground and each wrapped their hands around the nearest piece of jagged wood, piece of scrap metal, or heavy piece of broken concrete. In unison, they each stood tall and turned to face the intruders –Kirk and his company.

can't beat people going for blunt objects to do something to you

“I can’t leave her, Jim!” McCoy shouted as the newly armed, faceless mob approached from all sides of the street.

They had worked hard to uphold the Prime Directive. The Federation’s standing order was to not influence a developing culture with the use of advanced information or technology. Kirk decided in an instant that the culture they were observing was not evolving as any could with any practicality. Contamination be dammed!

The Prime Directive did not apply.

“Phasers. Set for stun,” Kirk said. “I don’t think this is free will we’re dealing with.”

“Telepathy,” Spock offered as he drew his phaser.

Kirk ordered his men “do whatever it takes to protect yourselves, but shoot only if you have to!”

Without hesitation, Kirk darted to McCoy in the center of the street. The woman’s clothes were torn. Her fair cheeks were scratched and bloody. McCoy had given her a sedative.

The doctor looked up at Jim with every angry remark etched across his eyes. Kirk knew that this wasn’t the time for one of his friend’s insightful rants.

“Come on,” Kirk ducked down and took up the woman’s right arm. The two of them brought her up from the street.

optimism can do wonders for your skin

McCoy glanced over the oncoming crowd. There were a dozen “town folk” each with a crude weapon of some kind. Behind them had appeared ten others. He looked to his right and to his left.

“Now ask me why I care so much,” McCoy grumbled and hefted his grip on the sleeping woman.

Kirk looked to his landing party. They were backing up and getting further away from the position in the street.

The slow moving threat stepped between them and the landing party. The weakest link in the closing chain put six people before them and an alley way.

Kirk brought up his phaser. “Bones, that alley. On my mark.”

“Mark!” McCoy shouted and Kirk blasted blue stun bolts at the first two assailants. McCoy hefted the woman toward the dropped bodies. Kirk helped McCoy with the woman and lined up his next shots.

As they moved, Kirk continued to stun their way through. Their direction was taking them further from Spock and the rest of the team.

The townspeople had divided their efforts to follow both parties. Kirk could hear the stun bolts coming from the others as he and McCoy forced the sedated woman into the alleyway.

captain kirk is always thinking

Safe haven was not to be found in the alley as four more figures converged around its distant corner. Kirk shot them down. “Do you have her!?”

“Jesus Christ, Jim, I have her!” McCoy hollered. “What’s up there!? Is there a place to hide!?”

Kirk let go of the woman and forged ahead. Where the four had fallen, he could see a large building with a sliding metal door just across the street. On either side of him, more townspeople approached.

If they could just manage the speed, the metal door could supply shelter and protection.

“Bones!” Kirk called back. “I think I found something!”

McCoy made up the distance between them as quick as he could. “Think or know?” He panted. Kirk assumed the woman’s arm. “That looks like something.”

The two of them made their way across the street. Their boots kicked aside bits of broken furniture as they approached the metal door.

A convergence of two-dozen townspeople was closing around them.

“Jim?” McCoy said, as Kirk went for the sliding door.

“What?” Kirk breathed.

“No windows on this building. Must be ‘festival’ proof.”

The heavy door only slid partly open. Kirk forced his shoulder against it and wouldn’t budge any more space. There was room for each of them to slip in sideways.

“Bones, get in there, I’ll get the girl in behind you.”

“No way, Jim!” McCoy belted. “There isn’t time!”

”That’s an order!’

McCoy slipped through the open door and turned to hold his arms out. Kirk pushed the unconscious woman through just as he promised and the doctor caught her.

Outside, the population was mere inches away. He felt one of their cold hands touch his shoulder. Kirk used what was left of his time to slam the door shut again and weld it with his phaser.

“Jim!” McCoy called out from behind the door.

“I’ll come for you!” Kirk shouted and turned to face the coming onslaught with his phaser at the ready. He was alone. Having anyone at his side could improve his odds, even if it was Lindstrom and not Spock.

He wondered where they might be. Had they found Sulu?

From this position, Kirk could see nothing but the local costumes and a glimpse of that courthouse clock counting down to the red hour.

Inside of the building, McCoy held the woman in the total darkness. He could hear Kirk shouting outside of the door.

“Welcome, Doctor,” a quiet female voice said in the darkness.

“Who is that?” McCoy shouted, his arms still wrapped around his patient. “Show yourself!”

Light blossomed from all over. McCoy blinked as his eyes adjusted to familiar, but dated technology. It seemed to be the inside of a very old starship. He couldn’t tell if it was from Earth, but he knew better than to base an assessment like that from technology alone.

He spotted the woman who had spoken to him. She was dressed in a simple robe. Stitched into it was an old Starfleet patch. She was younger than he was and very slender. Maybe a little older than Jim Kirk.

Her pupils were dark. McCoy knew her species on sight.

“Get out of my damn mind, Betazed!” He barked at her.

She smiled a light punctuation mark to the doctor’s phrase.

The dark-haired woman had a languid walk as she approached him.

“Where the hell am I?” McCoy pushed.

“This is what’s left of the Archon . . .”

cliff hanger ending

how much hey star trek can you really read all at once anyway

end credits for a fascinating episode right right right

the new end credits twitter button



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Baby steps with Star Trek: Voyager
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A Brief History of Fan Work and Tim Russ’ Of Gods and Men
What the hell do you mean Episode III’s the best one!?
Baby Steps With Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Baby Steps With Star Trek and Star Trek: The Next Generation
Hey Star Trek! Saw Terminator: Salvation
Meditating on J.J. Abrams’ Lens Flares
Can you tell me more about Trekcast?
Hey! You hated Abrams Trek? Color me unsurprised.
What you show somebody who doesn’t know Star Trek at all
Nerd-Nut-Nods in New Star Trek Movie
Why you don’t need IMAX Star Trek
Star Trek: The Motion Picture
The real reason New Star Wars movies suck
Star Trek continuity whores need to give it a rest
The new Doctor Who . . . or lack thereof!
Why the new Star Trek movie is gonna be cool
Joss Whedon’s Dollhouse
How the Borg went from badass to blowing chunks
Some Star Trek characters get no love
Ronald D. Moore’s Battlestar Galactica
Why Watchmen’s So Bad
Star Trek Optimism
Ugly Romulans and Vulcans


  • http://www.twitter.com/apizzagirl PizzaGirl

    Holy crap that was awesome! I’ve never seen the original epsiode so you’ll have to tell me what the one different choice was (I promise not to tell anyone else).

    P.S. You’re rockin the tiny bike!